A South African wellness advocate, Cynthia Khumalo, is calling for immediate action against gender-based violence, warning that “the cost of silence” can no longer be ignored. Speaking in a community awareness session, the trained social worker and life coach highlighted how unspoken pain, generational trauma and a lack of safe spaces continue to harm survivors, and allow perpetrators to repeat cycles of abuse.
The conversation shed light on the psychological toll of GBV, the importance of open dialogue in schools and homes, and how communities must take shared responsibility. It also challenged traditional narratives by addressing the pain of those who inflict harm, calling for healing on both sides of the violence.
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Breaking the Silence Around Shame
“GBV silence,” she said, “is something we are somehow facing in our lives.” Survivors are often burdened by guilt, shame and stigma, and these feelings become barriers to seeking help. Many fear judgment, rejection and having “fingers being pointed at” them. This fear leads to silence, and silence protects the perpetrator.
The discussion explored how community members sometimes pressure survivors to keep quiet, especially when the abuser is a family member. “We want families to come out and never ever resist help for our victims.” She called on parents, guardians and elders to shift their mindset and support survivors, even when it feels uncomfortable or inconvenient.
She pointed out that the shame does not only lie with survivors. “Some perpetrators also have went through the same challenges and nobody believe them when they were also abused.” Without help, they often internalise this pain and later inflict it on others. “It carries on and it’s an ongoing thing.”
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Creating Safe Spaces for the Truth
The speaker encouraged those affected by GBV to speak up and to do so in trusted environments. “If you can, speak to a trusted adult: a teacher, a faith leader, a neighbour.” Survivors should also “keep a record of incident and reach out to local headlines” and, if in danger, “seek help at a hospital, police station, shelter.”
Khumalo stressed that communities must become more responsive and compassionate. The call was not only for physical protection but also emotional care and validation.
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Educating Children and Changing Behaviour
Schools were identified as key sites for prevention and awareness. Many children replicate abuse they witness at home. If “your mama and your father are fighting” or “someone is abusing you at home,” that pain can spill over into peer interactions, bullying or emotional withdrawal.
She explained how emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting all fall within GBV. The silence around these subtler forms of abuse allows them to be normalised. Young people must be taught not only to recognise abuse but to understand that seeking help is not weakness. It is survival.
A striking message was that healing must include both survivors and those who have caused harm. “We want to stop that also,” Khumalo said. Support groups, trauma counselling, and personal development were described as essential steps for both healing and accountability.
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The Call for Systemic and Community Change
“Action, action, action,” she said, is what is needed. Not only from survivors, but from every corner of society. “We need to normalize conversations around GBV in our homes, schools and places of worship. Communities need to support instead of shame.”
The goal is not only to support those affected but to prevent future harm by changing how society responds. In closing, she reminded the audience that forgiveness, too, can be part of healing.
Acknowledging one’s own trauma, even as a perpetrator, is the first step to accountability and transformation. “Come back and face yourself.”
To hear more about this, find the video below:
Credit: UNDP Uzbekistan
