World – When masculinity is spoken about it is often linked to the word toxic, to such an extent that masculinity is often perceived as something bad. However, there is something called healthy masculinity. But what exactly is healthy masculinity?
In the past masculinity was seen as the opposite of femininity. While women were expected to be naturing and devote themselves to looking after the kids, men were expected to be emotionless and devoted to their work and providing. Healthy masculinity is the opposite of this. It is when men flourish first for themselves, then for their families, posterity, and communities. It also has to do with men being able to freely express themselves and their emotions. Not being emotionless creatures to their loved ones and the community.
The pressures men face that lead to toxic masculinity
Healthy masculinity is the opposite of toxic masculinity. This is usually created because of the different expectations and pressures placed upon men at an early age. They are supposed to be protectors and providers as early as the young adult years. In addition to these pressures and expectations, men are expected to keep their emotions bottled up. This can lead to toxic masculinity, said Shuhaida Adams, Islamic Careline.
“If they go through a trauma, young men are expected to cope with it, move on and just be okay with it. However, it’s quite harmful for men to not express their emotions. You don’t have to express it in a very openly way but recognising and having that opportunity to reflect on how you are feeling and accepting how you are feeling. It really does affect mental health.”
This need to control one’s emotions stems from men being seen as always needing to be in power, to be in control. This can lead to one developing unhealthy/toxic masculinity. This depicts itself in a man becoming very violent and is one of the driving forces of gender-based violence, said Adams. If a man feels he can’t control his surroundings, he will seek to control those who are physically weaker to him or those who he doesn’t have an emotional connection with.
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Creating healthy masculinity
A healthy masculinity is important not just for a man but for those around him. Once he begins to accept who he is and accepts his feelings, he becomes a blessing to society. This all starts from having people who understand what healthy masculinity is and aren’t afraid to accept things as they are.
“Allowing men to thrive. Having a place in society and a role. Allowing them to be who they are. Not every man can subscribe to the ideal hyper masculine man. Resolving issues with asggression or having a certain body type or working a certain kind of job. Being able to physically fight and protect. Not everyone is able to do that anymore. So those who do not fall in those categories, how accepted are they? How respected are they? ”
Another aspect is a man acknowledging where they are and how they need to grow emotionally. This can be achieved when one opens up and speaks about their problems to either another man or a woman. A person being accepted for who they are is a vital step in creating a healthy masculinity. Men talking to men is very powerful and the words they use to each other can create a healthy or toxic masculinity, explained Adams.
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Healthy masculinity does not make one soft
Oftentimes people confuse healthy masculinity to a man becoming soft. Losing his values and traits that make him a man. Many feel that traditional roles will be lost. However, Adams explained it is more like traditional roles being implemented in a healthy way.
“The man is the leader of the home but he is respectful, not violent, not abusive, has the ability to financially provide and his wife feels completely supported. If they are happy and thriving in that environment, that will work very well … Research has shown that men who are more open to healthy masculinity traits are physically healthier. There’s a lot more care and respect for themselves in terms of their body because there isn’t that extreme pressure to fulfil a certain criteria.”
However, healthy masculinity goes beyond a few traits prescribed by society, or by a particular religious or political ideology. It is unique to each individual but allows a man to be able to express himself and to experience the full spectrum of life and emotions without the need to hide how he feels and be accepted for who he is.
