Photo by [India TV News]
South Africa – Khalid Jassat, a seasoned NLP Master Transformation Coach, accomplished Author, and Inspirational Speaker, strongly advocates for young individuals contemplating marriage to prioritise establishing a deep understanding and a strong connection with themselves before forming bonds with others.
Furthermore, Jassat underscores the importance of refraining from defining one’s identity solely with another person, as he believes it can be a recipe for relationship turmoil. Drawing from his extensive experience, he identifies this lack of self-awareness as a significant contributing factor to many marriages’, premature or much-delayed, disbanding.
“Our connection to others is only as deep and as solid as the connection we have to ourselves. For me to connect with you, I need to define and figure out who I am. What we end up doing is desperately trying to find ourselves through connecting with others, and that’s a recipe for disaster.”
Is Love Important in a Marriage?
According to Jassat, a single, fundamental form of love exists, self-love. He asserts only when an individual comprehends their intrinsic worth and recognises their value can they genuinely share this love with someone else.
In his perspective, “unconditional love” typically applies in familial settings where support is unwavering, irrespective of circumstances. On the other hand, marriages and relationships operate on a conditional basis, involving specific expectations, commitments, and mutually agreed-upon conditions.
Hence, when we cultivate self-love, it naturally spills over into our interactions with others. This unconscious sharing of self-love serves as a model for our spouses and partners, demonstrating how to do the same.
“To ignite our relationship with our spouse, we need to be ignited within ourselves. We need to have that flame burning within us. If we have that flame raging within us because we have self-loving, self-appreciation, self-worth and self-value, you give your spouse no choice but to show up with that same level of self-love.”
In this way, we create spaces imbued with positive energy and excitement, maintaining a certain level of effort and mutual understanding. These spaces become nurturing environments where love and curiosity can flourish.
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Limit Your Marital Expectations
In contemporary entertainment, romance, love, and marriage often receive an exaggerated and idealised portrayal. For numerous individuals, whether through literature or film, these forms of entertainment fail to depict the complexities of genuine human connections accurately.
Jassat emphasises that marriage signifies the union of two individuals, each with their distinct realities, life experiences, and viewpoints. Therefore, to ensure the longevity of a relationship, the key lies in dedicating time and effort to comprehend and connect with each other’s unique perspectives, transcending mere physical and emotional conditions.
“The solution is to be able to improvise and compromise within that separate world that we live in. To identify that we all love [and live] with separate realities. If, as a spouse, I really wanted to be in awe, I would like to know genuinely and listen to what coffee tastes like to you. When I can do that, then we are living on a beautiful parallel level of understanding and realities.”
