Johannesburg – Ensuring your child undertakes a stable career to gain financial security is a pressing challenge for any parent. To guarantee this challenge is completed successfully, sometimes parents choose a career for their kids which they believe is good for them. But this can be a costly mistake.
One of the most important decisions of life for any child after grade twelve is their choice of studies, career choice or the path they decide to follow in achieving their dreams. Making the right choice requires a lot of patience and knowing oneself. This can be a challenging task to accomplish on their own and the correct parental support can be invaluable.
The role of parents when their child chooses a career should not be understated. From the level of education, they receive to their attitude and beliefs, a parent is involved in it all. Claudia Munyai, Educational Psychologist, elaborated on the impact a parent has on a child.
“Parents play a significant role when it comes to influencing their children’s decision-making and development. Parents influence the level of education and training that a child would achieve. The knowledge that their children have about the world of work and the different occupations. The beliefs and attitudes that their children have towards the working environment as well as the level of motivation that their children have towards success. In essence, children unconsciously take in their parents’ attitude and expectations of them as they grow up.”
It is this influence that we see presenting itself over the years when children discuss the careers they want to venture into. Children begin to consider career choices from as young as four years old and it is important not to dismiss them. It is the optimal time to guide them and build a bond of trust with them, so they know they have your support.
Children don’t always communicate with their words. Some use toys to indicate what they might want to do in their life. Paying attention to the interest of your child and what toys they engage with is an important part in understanding their interests. In this way parents can make educated choices and select a variety of toys to further expand their knowledge of careers.
“It is mainly seen through play. A child will play with different choices [of] toys that are indicative of different careers. Aspirations such as maybe mechanics or doctors or any type of profession that is within the helping profession. Then play around, assisting a child in allowing a child to be more explorative at a younger age is very important.”
On their own, a child can learn to a certain degree. A parent is then needed to show them other roads one can take. It is important to remember that the role of a parent is guidance and not imposing a particular career choice on a child. Children are not an extension of their parents, they are individuals with their own goals, strengths, and weaknesses.
It is common for a parent to try and fulfil the dreams they couldn’t achieve during their early adult years, through their child. Instead of nurturing and guiding, parents impose a path on their child while believing they are helping them.
“The biggest mistake is that parents become too involved. Over-involvement can lead to negative outcomes because you end up imposing your own goals and aspirations on your child. At times you find that parents view their children’s accomplishments as a reflection on themselves. Should a child choose a career path in arts, it reflects badly on themselves [the parents]. It’s not about you, it’s about the child.”
Excessive parental control can have devastating outcomes. Children are their own entity. Some parents might think pushing them into a particular career is good for them. It could end up having serious negative outcomes on their life later.
“You find that children end up having a lack of interest and experiencing little to no success at all when it comes to a particular field. At work level, should they succeed beyond school level, you find that there’s low performance and distress. Parents need to guard against becoming too involved and disapproving harshly on the choices that their children make.”
The question is then how can parents guide their children without imposing their own dreams on them? In that regard, Munyai offered a few helpful tips.
“Parents need to know that their role is as a facilitator in helping their child explore. They become some form of a sounding board for their children and help their children think through ideas that they might have.”
Parents run the risk of shutting down ideas too quickly or abruptly ending the brainstorming process when discussions about career and study paths begin. It is important for parents and guardians to be aware of everything they say during this time.
“It is important to be present and be aware of one’s own thoughts as a parent and caregiver. One of the things that can be done is to assist a young person in making a list of career options. Once they have discussed critical issues such as interests, skills, values that the child has. Another thing that is very important, especially with these challenges in decision making, is consulting professionals for career counselling. That is the best option in deciding and seeing where you best fit.”
There are other common mistakes that parents make. It is important to not just focus on a child’s academic results. Consider their skills and passions. Don’t follow trends as well. The world is a fast-moving place and what might be in today, can be “out” tomorrow. Remember that even if something seems like an economically viable career, it can also invite an unwanted amount of stress and burdens that can negatively impact their mental, physical, and emotional health.
Not everyone is going to make the correct choice the first time. Sometimes we pick a path and then realise it isn’t for us. In life, if one is on a path to nowhere, one stops and finds a path that leads to the desired destination. It is important to be kind to oneself. Seek career guidance so as not to constantly encounter obstacles. Having a supportive caregiver who imparts words of confidence can make a positive impact. Every child is unique and should be treated that way.
Maryam Mkwanda spoke with Claudia Munyai about guiding one’s child when choosing a career:
